So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I should be sponsored by Trojan
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
