When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
