yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
