Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
