Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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