I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
