I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
