cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
Randomize
