My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Randomize
