I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Randomize
