If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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