shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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