i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
