i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
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