My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Randomize
