Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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