As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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