So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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