I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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