How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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