They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Randomize
