Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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