i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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