Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
