would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
my soul wont recognize me after tonight
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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