are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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