Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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