You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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