So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
