chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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