nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
