Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
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