Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
