like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
