I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Randomize
