R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
