i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize
