Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I need a pic of your cock for our cock collage
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Randomize
