i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
