Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
Randomize
