airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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