I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
