yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Randomize
