dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
