How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
Randomize
