Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
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