sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
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