Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
Randomize
