we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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