i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
