He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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