I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
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